Speeches and Essays
I never took any drama classes growing up because every student thought he or she would be the next Jim Carrey in 7th grade (Teacher: "Mike Lee, can you tell us what an adverb is?" Mike: "Allllll righty then!"). Giving speeches, however, has always been a lot of fun. One day I hope to be perceived cool enough to give speeches at random design symposiums, preferably with lots of pyrotechnics. But for now, here's looking back at some speeches of yesteryear:
Cow and Pig, 5th grade
I ran for Student Government President in elementary school, and did a speech using Cow and Pig puppets arguing over what made a good candidate. There were a lot of fights and broken accents if I remember correctly. Too bad Suzanne Wilson got to speak after me and promised free pizza on field day...she won. I was devestated...this was my first big defeat. I left school for most of the day and came back with a baseball hat covering my face. AND WE NEVER GOT FREE PIZZA THE NEXT YEAR. But hey, I'm not bitter.
AP English Essay, 12th grade
Not really a speech, but it's in a similar vein. For the final part of this insanely long test, we were given a free response essay based on a book of our choosing. The vague question was something boring like "The seasons change with each falling leaf, each flake of snow, and each blooming flower. Describe a book where a particular event causes dramatic change; change for the characters, environment, plot, etc. Cite specific examples and determine the overall impact of the change." Maybe I should have followed my teacher's advice and picked Macbeth, Catch 22 or The Grapes of Wrath. Instead, I chose Jurassic Park and wrote about how dinosaurs trying to devour humans was indeed a dramatic change...and somehow got a perfect score of a 5.
Straight Up Dance Marathon, Fall 2000
For my last year as Entertainment Chair for UVA's Dance Marathon, I played a customized rendition of Paula Abdul's Straight Up on guitar for the initial interest meeting. The signup numbers that night for our committee, no joke, totaled roughly 6 guys and 64 girls. That was a fun year...
Cavalier Daily Goodbye, Spring 2002
Held in the Rotunda's dome room at UVA, I started off with a heavily cliched speech but then pretended to find a note taped to the podium. UVA has a fascination with secret societies, so I claimed it was from the most-secretive 7 society, and that there was an envelope under the 7th chair in the 7th row of the room (like they usually do). Some kid realized it was his seat and brought the envelope up. Then it was just a laundry list giving thanks to friends on the staff and revealing their darkest secrets, like Brian Maxwell's special tattoo.
Ride or Die, Summer 2002
This was the closing speech for our Teach For America summer school staff before we left C.I.S 22 in the Bronx. Basically it revolved around all the pranks I had pulled that summer, and how they eventually gave me a taste of my own medicine. An advisor had quoted Tupac in her parting words, so it was only fitting to end mine with "Ride or die, what you gonna do? PEACE." This is how I think all speeches should end; with a hard-hitting rap lyric and an emphatic PEACE. Imagine if the State of the Union ended like that. Bush would be all like "And when the cops came by, me and Dre stood next to a burned down house. PEACE WE OUT."
Friday, August 19 at 12:10 AM
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